Feel like I am walking with a peg leg.....
I know that I want to walk and keep making steps forward, but is my leg there? I walk forward and stumble, falling flat on my face....is something missing? Can I make the steps if I have no leg? What's going on here!?
Wow, almost 10 years that I have been living with the pain in my feet. I remember walking on campus (because my classes were always on opposite ends of campus.....talk about a hike) with socks rolled up in my shoes and taped to the arches in my feet since it was LESS painful to walk that way than with no support at all. I was poor, broke, and broken. My health was not good, I had no support, I was being talked about and rumors were flying (such nonsense), I was dealing with racism and ignorance at my job, and I had little to look forward to. Although other things were coming through for me in life, the bulk of what I lived was an attack. I was slimmer then, but from the lack of food rather than starving myself. I just wanted to sleep......
It was different when I was younger, but not by much. My family would watch the Olympics all the time. My relatives, for the most part, are slim, and/or muscular individuals. We were active, me and my sister (I have 2), and we did figure skating. I was very good and they moved me up to a class for kids much older than myself and my mom was approached to put me into skating more seriously. I know that they couldn't afford (in their minds), so she pulled me out completely. I loved to skate and continued at our local rink until my pick got caught on a penny in the ice and I dislocated my hip. I haven't really skated since. Then I got into basketball, volleyball and soccer. I tried out for the school teams and was cut at the final cut for each and everyone of them. So I joined track. I was really fast and I loved hurdles (but I had bad form hahahah), and even though I had a bad stumble, I tried to continue in it in high school. Well, due to my bad form (partly due to my once dislocated hip) and being short didn't help, I was told to look into something else. SO back to soccer try outs. Again cut from the team at the final cut, EVERY YEAR! Now I know it had something to do with the coach, but still......it was getting ridiculous. So I went back to the track team and took up javelin.......and dislocated my shoulder. I stayed there though and coached others to go on to cities and provincials and that inspired me. Not that I didn't know what I was doing, but doing it was another story, but I still tried. [Side note: My sister (5 years younger) went out for all the same things when she got the chance and she was an athletic all-star throughout school. She went on to compete in track and now plays on a women's soccer team HAHAH......I'm glad I helped her out] While I was in university, I went to workout with my sister and her track team. What a great workout! I then started weight training with a couple of my guy friends and I was BUFFED! And then I stopped.....why? At first, I thought I was looking too "manly" (which I was......) and then when a football player came up behind me and said "what's up , bro?", I decided it was time to look more feminine. Shortly after I became ill and it was very difficult to deal with (only yeas and drama/trauma later did I find out that I have Grave's disease-hyperthyroidism).
I haven't gotten back into the active lifestyle I once lived until recently. Dealing with my feet, and my health and allergies has been such a struggle and then the complications that came with the deliveries of my 2 boys, that was enough for me. The post-surgery treatment after my second son's birth were the worst 3 or 4 days I care to recall. I was starved, exposed to debilitating fragrance, there was so much pain and so much hunger....I feel cold remembering it. After that, I denied myself nothing when it came to food. And sometimes I ate more than I was comfortable with. I got used to that discomfort and it's funny, because I would feel so ill if I ever felt so full before. I nursed my youngest for 15 months and I enjoyed it so much (my first was a biter and hitter) and I was glad that he was able to have what he needed from me. I was still experiencing pain from tearing, from allergens and toxins and asthma. I ate to make the pain feel better (so I thought). I really wanted it all to go away. Last year this time I decided, regardless of the pain, I need to get this junk off my trunk! So with maintaining exercise and eating healthier foods, I was able to be a bit healthier and about 30 pounds from my heaviest post pregnancy weight. But not until I went through the Fat Loss Bible and signing up for Holly's newsletter were things better refined for me and I was able to get the weight of pain off and eat healthier too. The resources she provided have made the world of difference for me and I have been able to help others with it as well (even personal trainers and fitness instructors).
Of course, I still struggle to not keep eating when I feel in pain (not able to walk or exercise, or struggling to breathe), but when I have just enough food in the house to get through the week and nothing but healthy foods around me, my "junk" or "cheats" are healthier, they are still not going to help me lose the fat weight, but they aren't as bad as they could be. This past week I had more than one teaspoon of honey than I needed, but at the end of the week, the supportive behaviours (getting in what workouts I could, and countering my cheats with healthy meals and water) helped to keep me stepping, and even walking forward. It may not be with the most able legs, but whatever leg I got, I am moving forward with it.
Wow, almost 10 years that I have been living with the pain in my feet. I remember walking on campus (because my classes were always on opposite ends of campus.....talk about a hike) with socks rolled up in my shoes and taped to the arches in my feet since it was LESS painful to walk that way than with no support at all. I was poor, broke, and broken. My health was not good, I had no support, I was being talked about and rumors were flying (such nonsense), I was dealing with racism and ignorance at my job, and I had little to look forward to. Although other things were coming through for me in life, the bulk of what I lived was an attack. I was slimmer then, but from the lack of food rather than starving myself. I just wanted to sleep......
It was different when I was younger, but not by much. My family would watch the Olympics all the time. My relatives, for the most part, are slim, and/or muscular individuals. We were active, me and my sister (I have 2), and we did figure skating. I was very good and they moved me up to a class for kids much older than myself and my mom was approached to put me into skating more seriously. I know that they couldn't afford (in their minds), so she pulled me out completely. I loved to skate and continued at our local rink until my pick got caught on a penny in the ice and I dislocated my hip. I haven't really skated since. Then I got into basketball, volleyball and soccer. I tried out for the school teams and was cut at the final cut for each and everyone of them. So I joined track. I was really fast and I loved hurdles (but I had bad form hahahah), and even though I had a bad stumble, I tried to continue in it in high school. Well, due to my bad form (partly due to my once dislocated hip) and being short didn't help, I was told to look into something else. SO back to soccer try outs. Again cut from the team at the final cut, EVERY YEAR! Now I know it had something to do with the coach, but still......it was getting ridiculous. So I went back to the track team and took up javelin.......and dislocated my shoulder. I stayed there though and coached others to go on to cities and provincials and that inspired me. Not that I didn't know what I was doing, but doing it was another story, but I still tried. [Side note: My sister (5 years younger) went out for all the same things when she got the chance and she was an athletic all-star throughout school. She went on to compete in track and now plays on a women's soccer team HAHAH......I'm glad I helped her out] While I was in university, I went to workout with my sister and her track team. What a great workout! I then started weight training with a couple of my guy friends and I was BUFFED! And then I stopped.....why? At first, I thought I was looking too "manly" (which I was......) and then when a football player came up behind me and said "what's up , bro?", I decided it was time to look more feminine. Shortly after I became ill and it was very difficult to deal with (only yeas and drama/trauma later did I find out that I have Grave's disease-hyperthyroidism).
I haven't gotten back into the active lifestyle I once lived until recently. Dealing with my feet, and my health and allergies has been such a struggle and then the complications that came with the deliveries of my 2 boys, that was enough for me. The post-surgery treatment after my second son's birth were the worst 3 or 4 days I care to recall. I was starved, exposed to debilitating fragrance, there was so much pain and so much hunger....I feel cold remembering it. After that, I denied myself nothing when it came to food. And sometimes I ate more than I was comfortable with. I got used to that discomfort and it's funny, because I would feel so ill if I ever felt so full before. I nursed my youngest for 15 months and I enjoyed it so much (my first was a biter and hitter) and I was glad that he was able to have what he needed from me. I was still experiencing pain from tearing, from allergens and toxins and asthma. I ate to make the pain feel better (so I thought). I really wanted it all to go away. Last year this time I decided, regardless of the pain, I need to get this junk off my trunk! So with maintaining exercise and eating healthier foods, I was able to be a bit healthier and about 30 pounds from my heaviest post pregnancy weight. But not until I went through the Fat Loss Bible and signing up for Holly's newsletter were things better refined for me and I was able to get the weight of pain off and eat healthier too. The resources she provided have made the world of difference for me and I have been able to help others with it as well (even personal trainers and fitness instructors).
Of course, I still struggle to not keep eating when I feel in pain (not able to walk or exercise, or struggling to breathe), but when I have just enough food in the house to get through the week and nothing but healthy foods around me, my "junk" or "cheats" are healthier, they are still not going to help me lose the fat weight, but they aren't as bad as they could be. This past week I had more than one teaspoon of honey than I needed, but at the end of the week, the supportive behaviours (getting in what workouts I could, and countering my cheats with healthy meals and water) helped to keep me stepping, and even walking forward. It may not be with the most able legs, but whatever leg I got, I am moving forward with it.
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