I want a pair of sexy, RED shoes!

• Posted by Elisa on April 29, 2008 at 4:57pm

Ok, I keep seeing red shoes and I must say, I do want to get a pair! I've been feeling like I have been coasting for the last week and it's time to grab the gearshift and switch gears! So today I decided to set new goals and deadlines and take a different look at myself. Luckily for me I have a big floor mirror at the end of living room (helps me to see into the living room while I am in the kitchen....gotta watch the kidlets) that reminds me to keep working out, that surprises me when my body gets more toned and defined, and all I can see is from the neck down hahahah! But not just physically, I want to be a better and more tolerant mom. I want to experience the state of peace and the state of passion (no apathy) more in my life. I want to be rational, yet compassionate in my dealings with others, and more.
So I started off the morning by printing off a food diary page and tracking what I am eating and the calories. I then went back and recalculated how many calories I really should be taking in. Now to set some goals.

Plan out meals for the week so I have a better idea of the calories I am taking in.
Keep challenging myself in my workouts.
Start doing alterations to the clothes I want to keep.
Get my clothes out of storage and sort them out.
Meditate more consistently - I was getting better sleep when I was consistent in meditating.
Learn from those who live/lived the way I want to be.
Study for my learner's permit.
Start shoe shopping. Flip flops are not sexy, especially with no beach near by.
Continue to grow in being a positive example for my sons.
Keep people updated with my goals and progress.

Starting as soon as possible. I'll keep you posted. ;)

One of those DAYS!

• Posted by Elisa on April 28, 2008 at 1:47pm

UGH! My youngest has been on a rampage of following behind me and undoing everything I have just finished doing. Organizing the closet and the collection of diapers, wipes and pullups and he emptied the bag of pull ups. Swept the floor and he empties the dust pan all over the floor.....and the list goes on. I am so spent today and it's not even NOON yet. Ever have one of those days? It funny, whenever they get back from the grandparents, there is a change in their attitudes hehehehehe (crazy laughter).....I love my parents, but MAN, what do they feed my kids?? My hubby and I had a GREAT time while they were away, so that was the highlight. Anyways, I just wanted to share at the pinnacle of frustration and I will need to remember to eat today as that kind of "undoing" does not inspire me to eat. Well, off to prepare my space for inspection.....and maybe afterwards, I talk the kids out to run off some that great energy.

Have a great and successful day ladies!

Tags: frustrated, kids, toddlers

Feel like I am walking with a peg leg.....

• Posted by Elisa on April 26, 2008 at 9:08am

I know that I want to walk and keep making steps forward, but is my leg there? I walk forward and stumble, falling flat on my face....is something missing? Can I make the steps if I have no leg? What's going on here!?

Wow, almost 10 years that I have been living with the pain in my feet. I remember walking on campus (because my classes were always on opposite ends of campus.....talk about a hike) with socks rolled up in my shoes and taped to the arches in my feet since it was LESS painful to walk that way than with no support at all. I was poor, broke, and broken. My health was not good, I had no support, I was being talked about and rumors were flying (such nonsense), I was dealing with racism and ignorance at my job, and I had little to look forward to. Although other things were coming through for me in life, the bulk of what I lived was an attack. I was slimmer then, but from the lack of food rather than starving myself. I just wanted to sleep......

It was different when I was younger, but not by much. My family would watch the Olympics all the time. My relatives, for the most part, are slim, and/or muscular individuals. We were active, me and my sister (I have 2), and we did figure skating. I was very good and they moved me up to a class for kids much older than myself and my mom was approached to put me into skating more seriously. I know that they couldn't afford (in their minds), so she pulled me out completely. I loved to skate and continued at our local rink until my pick got caught on a penny in the ice and I dislocated my hip. I haven't really skated since. Then I got into basketball, volleyball and soccer. I tried out for the school teams and was cut at the final cut for each and everyone of them. So I joined track. I was really fast and I loved hurdles (but I had bad form hahahah), and even though I had a bad stumble, I tried to continue in it in high school. Well, due to my bad form (partly due to my once dislocated hip) and being short didn't help, I was told to look into something else. SO back to soccer try outs. Again cut from the team at the final cut, EVERY YEAR! Now I know it had something to do with the coach, but still......it was getting ridiculous. So I went back to the track team and took up javelin.......and dislocated my shoulder. I stayed there though and coached others to go on to cities and provincials and that inspired me. Not that I didn't know what I was doing, but doing it was another story, but I still tried. [Side note: My sister (5 years younger) went out for all the same things when she got the chance and she was an athletic all-star throughout school. She went on to compete in track and now plays on a women's soccer team HAHAH......I'm glad I helped her out] While I was in university, I went to workout with my sister and her track team. What a great workout! I then started weight training with a couple of my guy friends and I was BUFFED! And then I stopped.....why? At first, I thought I was looking too "manly" (which I was......) and then when a football player came up behind me and said "what's up , bro?", I decided it was time to look more feminine. Shortly after I became ill and it was very difficult to deal with (only yeas and drama/trauma later did I find out that I have Grave's disease-hyperthyroidism).

I haven't gotten back into the active lifestyle I once lived until recently. Dealing with my feet, and my health and allergies has been such a struggle and then the complications that came with the deliveries of my 2 boys, that was enough for me. The post-surgery treatment after my second son's birth were the worst 3 or 4 days I care to recall. I was starved, exposed to debilitating fragrance, there was so much pain and so much hunger....I feel cold remembering it. After that, I denied myself nothing when it came to food. And sometimes I ate more than I was comfortable with. I got used to that discomfort and it's funny, because I would feel so ill if I ever felt so full before. I nursed my youngest for 15 months and I enjoyed it so much (my first was a biter and hitter) and I was glad that he was able to have what he needed from me. I was still experiencing pain from tearing, from allergens and toxins and asthma. I ate to make the pain feel better (so I thought). I really wanted it all to go away. Last year this time I decided, regardless of the pain, I need to get this junk off my trunk! So with maintaining exercise and eating healthier foods, I was able to be a bit healthier and about 30 pounds from my heaviest post pregnancy weight. But not until I went through the Fat Loss Bible and signing up for Holly's newsletter were things better refined for me and I was able to get the weight of pain off and eat healthier too. The resources she provided have made the world of difference for me and I have been able to help others with it as well (even personal trainers and fitness instructors).

Of course, I still struggle to not keep eating when I feel in pain (not able to walk or exercise, or struggling to breathe), but when I have just enough food in the house to get through the week and nothing but healthy foods around me, my "junk" or "cheats" are healthier, they are still not going to help me lose the fat weight, but they aren't as bad as they could be. This past week I had more than one teaspoon of honey than I needed, but at the end of the week, the supportive behaviours (getting in what workouts I could, and countering my cheats with healthy meals and water) helped to keep me stepping, and even walking forward. It may not be with the most able legs, but whatever leg I got, I am moving forward with it.

Tags: active, allergies, feet, pain, recovery, setbacks

Not very pretty...

• Posted by Elisa on April 24, 2008 at 10:00am

I know that I have been off my feet for the first part of the week, and also having quite the appetite. I had to resort to chewing on cinnamon sticks and seaweed paper.I've also felt bloated and my skin has kinda broken out (not used to bumps all over my face). I had a good and challenging workout yesterday, and ate well, having beef, with beets, broccoli, and mashed parsnips and potatoes and I was satisfied for the whole evening. But this morning came the missing link to the equation. I just haven't been feeling like I was getting enough and with the skin and bloating issues, I knew something was off. Well, I'm pretty regular in my bowel routine, but it was a little more regular than usual. I mentally tracked back through my meals this week and realized that the ribs I had on Sunday while out with friends for a birthday celebration probably had gluten (malt). I am thankful, that when I have wheat, I get a bitter taste in my mouth. But other forms of gluten I have to just avoid as I can't detect if I have it or not until I realized that it makes me really hungry and I take less than half the time for a meal to pass through my system. It's easy to avoid most "wheaty" places when eating out, but now I know that barbeque sauces should also be a concern for me as well (and worcestershire sauce too). We don't really eat sauces at home, but eating out can be hit or miss.

Anyone got a recipe for a barbeque "sauce"? I was thinking of using a roasted red pepper puree and creating my own, but I think I need more input when it comes to the other ingredients. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated =)

Tags: celiac, gluten, recipes

Training is definitely a process....

• Posted by Elisa on April 22, 2008 at 7:02pm

We had a breakthrough in training in our household today. My youngest went the whole morning without fading the stars on his training pants. He signaled when he needed to go potty and we went and he was right on cue. He started with interest in using the potty a year and a half ago, sitting down when others would go, even when there was nothing to show for it. Over the last few months I had brought the potty to the main floor to make it "easier" on him and tell me how frustrating it was that he would stand right beside the potty and soil himself. Then I would ask, when you need to go, what are you suppose to use? and he would respond "Potty!". Knowing what he was supposed to do, and even with it right in front of his face, he wouldn't apply what he knew. So to start off the week, I moved the potty back up to it's "proper" place and now that it takes more work to get to, it makes more sense for him to use it. Now of course this is just the beginning stages of the end of "diaperage" for him and he did explode in his pants this afternoon, but he is now applying what he knows and it is so encouraging to see that he has grown in his understanding.
I would like to apply the same growth to all areas of my life. To grow in my understanding as I go through training. As I have heard before "You haven't reached it yet, when you reach it, you'll be dead!" Life is definitely a process. So many stages to go through, and I you know you haven't been there before, because you haven't been this age before, or in this time in history before (no time travellers allowed =D), or at this point of understanding. Being aware of the fact that I am constantly in training as I AM a woman who strives for excellence (not perfection, but the best of every situation), means I will eventually grow out of my "training" pants and soiling myself to wearing the "big kid" undies. Not to say that I may not have an accident, but with the understanding that I can keep applying what I know, I will be able to keep going.
I used to do hurdles (back in the day) and I was fast. I didn't even have the right shoes or clothing. In one of my final races I tripped over the last hurdle and went rolling towards the finish line. I just sat there (bonks myself in the past). I was so far ahead I could've crawled to the finish line and won, but I didn't even get up, until I heard someone say "get up, you are right there!.....Just finish the race!" So now, my applied understanding tells me to 'Just finish the race!'. We may fall down, wipe out (still have the scars from that fall), trip, even go the wrong way, but turn around, steady your feet, get up and keep going..........this is life we are living.....we got a race to finish. And my hope is to not run it alone.
This week for me has been the first time in a long time that I have to be off my feet. They are damaged from a previous job that caused severe damage to my arches. I was out and about last week making the most of the weather before the snow came (and man, has it ever snowed....), but I am paying for all my gallivanting now. I feel stuck because of the snow and my limited mobility and I am glad that I am a part of this group of women as I don't feel totally cut off and also encouraged by the lives of others.
Anyways, off for a potty break.

Toxins, community and not taking on rudeness

• Posted by Elisa on April 18, 2008 at 10:15am

Well, the salmon we had for lunch (my fault, should have "cajuned" it like I usually do hehe) did a little number on the belly the evening before, but when I woke up stuffed and coughing I knew there was more going on than undercooked fish. My youngest has been with a runny nose for about 2 weeks now and that has been the longest he has been ill. I opened up the basement and realized (or was reminded) that there is a mold issue somewhere that NEEDS to get get dealt with (as the toxic smell of mold triggers my asthma). Now I live in a row house condo, so my mold problem is my neighbour's and vice versa. Yesterday afternoon I was telling my neighbour how I have to tackle this problem and she brought me inside to show me her own issue. Black mold creeping up the corner in her bedroom. I was horrified. But even worse, it is not one of the connecting walls to my condo, which means the next neighbour now also has a mold issue as it's not just on the surface when the mold is that thick, it's deeper. We went through having a wall replaced in our son's room (that he refused to sleep in........good thing he was more keen than we were) and we didn't have the mold on the surface, it was just dampness in the wall (so I thought). When I had my husband open it up the studs were like dirt......could've have taken it and spread it out in the garden! Needlesstosay, the mold needs to go. I suspect that the attic space is also contaminated and all our roofs are connected. I am determined to maintain not only the health of me and my family, but also my neighbours. And I have really awesome neighbours! SIDE NOTE: In our one section in the complex, we are the ONLY ones that own, the rest of my connected neighbours (5 others, 6 condos) all rent.

So I make a call to the condo management. WOW!! I had to get off the phone as quickly as possible. They were rude from hello! (and that don't jive with me!) Now I have dealt with management before on many issues (hahah since I seem to have a lot of complaints.....valid complaints), but I have noticed that they have not followed through with what is expected or what they said they would do and have not responded to my calls and emails. But now people's lives are being seriously affected by neglect and I have little to no tolerance for it. They acted quickly when it was my son's room that was rotting and they will do the same when families are at risk as well. I am just so glad that the weather went from shorts to snow pants again. I was in a sleeveless top and sweater yesterday and today I won't step out the house without my winter coat. It's GREAT! Why? Because the heat was making the mold toxins strong and making the air unbreathable. I was having an asthma attack while I was sleeping and ran wheezing for my inhaler. I was so full of mucus, I slept on my back, slightly propped up.

Today, I am going to take pictures and make a report to send to the management, to the condo board, and to capital health, and to city bylaw if necessary. So hopefully, it doesn't have to go that far, but I need to be prepared.

On the workout front, I am getting Michelle's back (not backside.....not quite there yet) and I am loving my pects. I found some pictures of me before marriage and the kids, but it was after my workout days and so I don't really have a comparison to go from in my own personal log other than the pics from 4 years ago. I am more muscular now than I was then, so I am thankful for the strength. Off to go and gear up for the photos. Pray all is resolved soon.

Strange day....

• Posted by Elisa on April 16, 2008 at 7:30pm

Let me tell you, I am SO glad I am in the habit of a morning workout. I am a morning person. If a cartoon was to be made I would spring out of bed with a ray of light and shout, "Hurray for another day to get it right!!" and then run to the bathroom. I would bounce around like a rabbit cleaning the house, making breakfast, doing my workout, checking my email and talking to God along the way....all at the same time! (now that would be the noxious version my hubby would imagine as he is a night owl LOL) Reality is I wake up once in the middle of the night to put my younget back in his bed and then a washroom break and then struggle to have an empty mind so I can get more sleep. Then my mind (with a clock of it's own) wakes up and starts with busy thoughts of what to do and what I didn't do and what I could do......until I say 'fine' and get up. (I'm trying to get into the habit of focusing my thoughts into prayer instead,.....it's working great.) Conveniently, I wake up with enough time to get a workout in before the youngest and my hubby wake up. Not today.......But I didn't care......I got the bulk of my workout done first and then back upstairs for floor work and my personal challenge pushups......

(edit.....of the comments and conversation that followed), but after my hubby went to work, I finished off intervals with my son trying to copy me hehehe. We enjoyed breakfast and I was on my feet for most of the morning. Then for lunch we had leftover salmon, broccoli and quinoa ....yum.....however by snack time I felt ill and then my youngest exploded in his pants.......I guess the salmon was the culprit.....so now I feel gross and so does he.........many things just seemed not to fall into place today (childcare, scheduling....), but there were a lot of little highlights as well (seeing my sister and getting "new" stuff for the boys, getting my workout done...). Although looking at my day seems pretty regular, after the morning workout and breakfast, the day seemed to lack a certain energy that I am used to, which is more like the halfway point between the cartoon version and today's reality. It's days like these that end in a lull or funk where I find myself snacking and looking for that "something" in the cupboards. In a way I am glad I am ill as I know I am tired and I used to eat to stay awake to mind the kids. I was actually inspired to share my day after reading Renee's blog about her pizza experience. I think going over my mindset and where I am at before I dig down the place for "comfort" is a good way to put the brakes on my old ways, and embrace my "new" habits. I want results, regardless of an off day, or insults and negative comments, or lack of support from a loved one, or illness, or crazy kids, or plans not working out, or fatigue....I want to reach my goals. I want to be able to wake up TOMORROW and say "Thank you God for another day!!" and start over and start new, fresh, clean, beyond what I was yesterday and be on point, and getting it right in a new day. See you tomorrow, ladies!

Sunny days, melting the snow away........

• Posted by Elisa on April 13, 2008 at 6:25am

After a vigorous brushing and cleaning yesterday I am actually looking forward to wearing more dresses this year. I have not been big on dresses even when I was a girl, but now I like the idea of wearing dresses and especially with my new shapely body......

After getting together with a group of my old school friends last night (some I haven't seen in about 10 years) to welcome in our friends' new baby girl, I walked away afterwards feeling really comfortable with myself. It is the best to be surrounded by a room full of people just happy to see YOU and your family and not being checked out and stared at. Having good friends is a great feeling. My family is always checking to see what size I am at. Because of what I now know is my thyroid issues, I was up and down in size, especially over the last 10 or so years. My closet has sizes 16 to size 1 and currently is a mess I am trying to sort out. I was always referred to as the "fat" one in my family. Relatives I never met were calling from other countries and asking how the fat one was doing. I am so glad I fought the idea of my family calling me fat. Hahaha, when my dad came back from his trip for his mother's funeral, he said that there were only 2 of us that were "round", me and my aunt (haha I don't recall her name....my dad has 7 sisters) and I just shook my head, and this was a month ago. As I was looking over the photos of me over the last few years, I was shocked at the size I was. But I am glad that at whatever size I was at, I had reached a comfort zone and was happy with who I was. Of course, not so comfortable that I didn't want change, but enough not to be bothered by what others say or thought about my size. Goodness, I was just glad to be ALIVE!

This was 7 months after the birth of our second son and Zion's 3rd birthday. I still had not healed completely yet after his delivery (I kept tearing), and I was still getting sick from our neighbour's smoking at the time, being that we share walls and everything seems to pass through (I am glad we have new neighbours now). But I was so happy to be alive and present for that birthday. And I am thankful that I set my goal then as being healthy for the sake of longevity, to have a life with my kids and my husband for as long as I possibly can.

My skin is getting all loose again.....YEAH!!

• Posted by Elisa on April 12, 2008 at 6:22am

As frustrating as it was in the beginning (I felt like a jellyfish, if that even describes it), I enjoy the subtle change of loose skin now, because it means my body is getting smaller. I didn't notice a weight change in the last week (maybe due to the exposure to allergens, toxins and molds and being sick), but it is good to end the week with a change like loose skin which means my measurements may be smaller. I did notice that my pectorals were looking sharp which gives a nicer look to my cleavage (since I lost most of my bosom) and my wrists are smaller.

When I first had a lot of loose skin, I had an issue with the skin in the flap rubbing away. I knew that I had to find a way that would help my body to get rid of the loose skin. SO I turned to the internet and found an article on body brushing. It mentioned that brushing your skin starting with your limbs and brushing towards your heart helped to promote blood flow to the skin and resulted in firmer skin. So I gave it a try. At first it hurt (think I was using the wrong brush =D), but then it became quite refreshing and I did notice a difference in my skin. I used to have really nice, smooth and soft skin, but after having my boys.....my skin is tougher and gets really dry. But now it's getting softer and it's a good thing with the warmer weather rolling in. So now to find my body brush. =)

New front on the junk removal

• Posted by Elisa on April 10, 2008 at 9:35am

Last night we had been to service and while we were there my friend looked ill and she shared with me that she saw the naturopathic doctor and he said he liver was overtaxed. So he said she needs to eliminate caffeine, sugar, wheat, and dairy from her diet (sound familiar to anyone?). She already knew this, but was struggling with stopping as she shared with me last week. She sat at the same table with me and my husband and I think my hubby got to see how awful she felt, because afterwards we talked about why she was feeling ill. I told him why and also shared that I am a sugar addict and we discussed the effect of sugar on my energy level and on the kids. What an awesome discussion. He then concluded by saying if it makes you struggle so much, I just won't bring it in the house. And that, I must say, tastes sweeter than any sugar.

No more haunting Jellybeans =D

• Posted by Elisa on April 9, 2008 at 8:36pm

Rattle, rattle......creeeeeek. rattle, rattle, munch, munch..........I had a handful of Jellybeans and then I threw the jar in the the freezer. Then I had some red peppers, celery and carrots and a couple of almonds. I think I really want to get the message across that I don't want junk in the house, as I may eat it. Well, after a good dinner, my hubby decided he wanted some Jellybeans (figures, NOW he wants some) and he pulled open the pantry to find they were not there. Well, this time I didn't throw out the junk, I just moved it to a different locale. So I told him they were in the freezer.....moments like these make me laugh........what do I say, i was having a weak day and I wanted to minimize the temptation.......anyways, he let the jarful roll into the garbage and reached for something else. As relieving as it is, I can't help but think about what's around the corner.

Hibernation did this body good!

• Posted by Elisa on April 8, 2008 at 9:55pm

I ran into my neighbour today and she was trying to get around me, so I blocked her in with the stroller and she was shocked. She said she did not recognize me and then I realized that the last time I saw her was just before Christmas and I have lost over 20 lbs since then. Hahahaha, it's funny to shed the winter coat and BAM! noone recognizes your body. I just love that.

Now for an interesting fact that I came across. I was watching TV (sorry if this sounds scattered, but this is right before bed) and this guy said he was shorter after losing so much weight. So, of course I stood up against the wall, made a mark like how I do with the boys and sure enough.......I am shorter. HAHAHA, well at least I reached my goal height before I "shrunk". Some things are too good to last and then others are meant to last a lifetime. I would rather be healthy than tall! Well, off to put my boys to bed. ;)

GOAL!!!!!

• Posted by Elisa on April 8, 2008 at 12:41pm

Oh yeah! I have a month until Mother's day! That's when I set my goal for. To be about the same size/weight that I was at 4 years ago. I got 10 pounds to go! Here is the picture I took on Mother's day back in 2004.

HAHAHA......I remember that day. We ran for the bus to head to church and my shoe broke and I wiped out hard while I was crossing 4 lanes of traffic. I had to run back to the house, change my shoes and get back to the bus stop before it left. Yeah, I missed the bus. LOL (catching the bus really helped to keep me fit hahahah). So I got a ride from someone else, but it is funny to remember that day when I looked so happy in that picture. Anyways, gonna pack up the kids and head out for some errands and intervals.......nothing like sprinting for the bus =D.

Peer Pressure!

• Posted by Elisa on April 7, 2008 at 4:37pm

Hahaha,do you remember the days back in school when your friends would offer or share with you something that wasn't something good. Well my "peer" continually brings "treats" into the house and it is hard to keep me and the kids off of the stuff. After completing the ED (elimination diet), I, Elisa, was a sugar addict. From the days that my dad used to pour it over our cereal and then pour some in his mouth to baking for the holidays, I always had something to turn to. Now if it wasn't for the fact that refined sugars give me a bitter taste in my mouth, instant headaches and physical pain, it would probably be a bit harder to give up. And yesterday when my hubby got juice for the kids at a fast food outlet,I gagged on it and had to order water before my head exploded.

Thankfully, while on the ED, I also made the switch from fruits to more veggies as the "rush" I got from the fruit was a bit much to handle. But I still have a fruit protein smoothie after my workout on most days and the fruit bowl on the counter instead of the jar of jellybeans that lurks in the pantry. =D

Back on track.....

• Posted by Elisa on April 6, 2008 at 7:42am

I must say that last week was a big low point for me in almost all areas (so I thought). I was ill, stressed, drained emotionally and physically and had extra kids in my house all week. My youngest was sick with fever and didn't sleep during the night. So with no sleep and mo' stress, I chose not to do my workouts. And to make it better, I baked cookies and muffins (they were healthy and yummy). Yesterday I vegged out and reflected on the week I had. The advantage was that I wanted to make sure I set an example for the kids, so there was no over-indulging (well, yesterday I had 3 or 4 teaspoons of honey....and enjoyed it). And it was easier to serve up a plate of veggies than to grab and clean up after cookies. But today, we are rested, healthier, had my workout and a good breakfast. I am glad that I had the experience of last week as I am able to set new standards and boundaries and add the new recipes I tried to my collection =D. I also helped to influence a young girl to eat more vegetables (even broccoli ......raw).

Bout time!

• Posted by Elisa on April 4, 2008 at 6:14am

Hehehe, it took me long enough to notice that I could join this network. Back in September I googled busy mom workouts and Holly's came up. I went to the site and DLd the Fat Loss bible and signed up for the e-newsletters. Since then I have been gathering information and have been using her info, videos, and the christmas freebies and hookups to lose quite a bit of weight.