I don't know what to call this HAHAHHA
But I will say this, it's not the worst that could happen.
I have decided to take matters into my own hands (and hopefully with God's blessings) as I am no longer tolerant of neglected situations. That is the best way I can word what I have to say. It's funny, as I move forward to be completely independent at this time ( a concept I do not find comforting and quite lonely), I know that I am in need of some major help. I am going back to work. This is a huge sacrifice and may not last long, being that I have limited options, allergy and ability concerns. I feel how I felt before I joined club FYM, lacking in support. I am glad that I was able to find this group of wonderful people as it has gotten me this far and I have no idea what my life would have been like without it. You ladies have really helped to carry me and encourage me in ways that others have not been able to. I asked my mom for her support and told her I would not be able to do this without it, so she provided what she could. And I know that she understands to some degree the situation I am in and may even grow in retrospect from this experience and maybe that why things have played out this way. I also hope that the great pain that I am feeling is only because it is a great change (for the better) that is occurring.
So after breaking down in tears during my workout yesterday, I will probably not be as focused as I would like to be in that area of my life. I did enjoy the switch to the intermediate workout, but my mind really needs to be in it, so I will switch to auto mode, because if I don't get my workouts in and some level of proper nutrition in, it won't be good for me. I can't give up on taking care of me because I get overwhelmed and frustrated. I am still sick and now stressed without a spotter (do NOT bench press more weight that you think you can handle without a spotter....trust me), BUT I am NOT going to be giving up or quitting ANYTHING. I am fighting that prideful little voice that says "I don't need help....I can do this all by myself" or "There is no one that can do this as well as I can do it" or etc, etc. We all need to get over ourselves and ask for help sometimes and to be brave enough to share our thoughts and worries and not worry about burdening someone if they offer the support. Now, of course, there are limits to that statement and there are people that are meant to be supportive and have not allowed themselves to fill the role they put themselves in. They get frozen in chaos (HAHAH I love that phrase) and choose not to train themselves to deal with situations and just do nothing instead. But doing nothing and hoping either the situation figures itself out or somebody else to come along to fix it is not a good thing.
However, if I do happen to "manage" things well, I will also remind myself not to find comfort in what I perceive as my own ability, but to remember that things are constantly changing around me and choose to remain in tune to the needs (emotional, and spiritual) of my family as I set forth to meet needs physically. I know I haven't gone into a lot of detail, but at this time all I can really say is that some situations and some people need physical, hard proof instead of explanations (or perceived excuses) to know that certain things won't work to their benefit. This is what has come about in my life and it will be a hard lesson learned, but hopefully will bring about much understanding, growth, and fruit. So pray that I land a job that pays well and that has minimal physical restrictions (allergens mainly), and that God will guide and bless me or humble me through this time. Thanks again for your support.
I have decided to take matters into my own hands (and hopefully with God's blessings) as I am no longer tolerant of neglected situations. That is the best way I can word what I have to say. It's funny, as I move forward to be completely independent at this time ( a concept I do not find comforting and quite lonely), I know that I am in need of some major help. I am going back to work. This is a huge sacrifice and may not last long, being that I have limited options, allergy and ability concerns. I feel how I felt before I joined club FYM, lacking in support. I am glad that I was able to find this group of wonderful people as it has gotten me this far and I have no idea what my life would have been like without it. You ladies have really helped to carry me and encourage me in ways that others have not been able to. I asked my mom for her support and told her I would not be able to do this without it, so she provided what she could. And I know that she understands to some degree the situation I am in and may even grow in retrospect from this experience and maybe that why things have played out this way. I also hope that the great pain that I am feeling is only because it is a great change (for the better) that is occurring.
So after breaking down in tears during my workout yesterday, I will probably not be as focused as I would like to be in that area of my life. I did enjoy the switch to the intermediate workout, but my mind really needs to be in it, so I will switch to auto mode, because if I don't get my workouts in and some level of proper nutrition in, it won't be good for me. I can't give up on taking care of me because I get overwhelmed and frustrated. I am still sick and now stressed without a spotter (do NOT bench press more weight that you think you can handle without a spotter....trust me), BUT I am NOT going to be giving up or quitting ANYTHING. I am fighting that prideful little voice that says "I don't need help....I can do this all by myself" or "There is no one that can do this as well as I can do it" or etc, etc. We all need to get over ourselves and ask for help sometimes and to be brave enough to share our thoughts and worries and not worry about burdening someone if they offer the support. Now, of course, there are limits to that statement and there are people that are meant to be supportive and have not allowed themselves to fill the role they put themselves in. They get frozen in chaos (HAHAH I love that phrase) and choose not to train themselves to deal with situations and just do nothing instead. But doing nothing and hoping either the situation figures itself out or somebody else to come along to fix it is not a good thing.
However, if I do happen to "manage" things well, I will also remind myself not to find comfort in what I perceive as my own ability, but to remember that things are constantly changing around me and choose to remain in tune to the needs (emotional, and spiritual) of my family as I set forth to meet needs physically. I know I haven't gone into a lot of detail, but at this time all I can really say is that some situations and some people need physical, hard proof instead of explanations (or perceived excuses) to know that certain things won't work to their benefit. This is what has come about in my life and it will be a hard lesson learned, but hopefully will bring about much understanding, growth, and fruit. So pray that I land a job that pays well and that has minimal physical restrictions (allergens mainly), and that God will guide and bless me or humble me through this time. Thanks again for your support.
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