Happy 5th birthday BBQ!
Then the fun began..........negativity set in during the week and it rippled through all of us. It was a FIGHT all week and in the midst of damage control, reinforcing my children's ability to do things and being drained of energy and concerned for my own health, the weather forecast for Sunday continued to change from Sunday to Thunderstorm. By Thursday I decided that regardless of the weather, we were going to stick with the initial location and theme LOL. My husband was not involved this time around in the planning and it made it quite hard, and being supportive to him through the continued self-sabotage, negativity, inappropriate comments, and depression. And having had no sleep (5 hours the whole weekend), I was struggling to get done what needed to get done for the party let alone for the daily basics. My friend wanted to spend time together on Saturday and decided she would help me to get the groceries and that would be our time together. It was great fun and I got all that I could remember to get.
In comes Sunday morning. I wake up to the sun and by 5am it starts to get dark and rain. I was also informed that we would have to leave the house an hour earlier to pick up someone on the way to church. At that point, as overwhelming as it was, I proceeded with tunnel vision to get things done. So I ran a bath for my oldest (bathed the baby the night before to save time) and went back to preparing the food. I got the boys breakfast, my oldest headed upstairs and I continued prepping the food. It wouldn't take long and I had it mapped out in my head as what to do. Then my hubby wakes up. He sees that it's raining and then the negativity dropped in like a fog and so did all the questions. By the way, as much as I am a person that gets a lot of stuff done, I am in no ways a Multi-tasker. I put my mind and body into one thing at a time, so that I am fully aware of what I am doing and where I am at. My hubby refuses to accept this fact. "Look at the weather! How are we going to do this.......do that.......how are we cooking the food? Did you buy wood? Did you buy this? Did you buy that? We should call and tell people to come here instead.....etc, etc, etc." At that point I felt burdened by all the questions and was fighting to remain positive as my growing frustration would not help to get things done (anger management is my constant battle). I know that because he chose to be depressed and negative all week, he was not in a mindset to be helpful. So then he asked how he could help. At this point, I did not have the mental separation from my task to answer his questions. I just kept thinking this is for son and it will be encouraging for him and those that come regardless of what I missed. So I prayed to God. I needed his help. Afterwards, I would delegate tasks and he would come back "what else?"........I don't work that way. Not yet (not sure if I would want to). If I see a need, I meet it. The boys were upstairs in the bath.....wait, the BOYS?!? OH NO! SO while I was annoyed by this fact that I was distracted from keeping an eye on my youngest, I ran up and got them out.......got the baby out and lotioned and dressed and then on to my oldest. While I was getting them out, my hubby came up to ask more questions. ARRRGGGGHHH!!! I just went tighter into my tunnel and got the task done. FOCUS!!!! I have already lost an hour to what I had planned and I just wanted to get out. I was struggling against just throwing everything down ad running out of the house into the rain screaming. I have had enough. With all the questions and negative comments I was just freaking out on the inside and then I decided to look into the eyes of my son and stay there. It was a safe, encouraging place to be and I gave him my full attention. I combed through his curls and I moisturized his hair and skin and together, we picked out an outfit for him to wear. It was 15 minutes of peace. SO after getting my boys ready, the food prepped, stuff packed up, I was left out of the equation. Makes me mad and sad at the same time. I chugged down a protein shake and then threw on what was sitting out in front of me. I made sure that I had my make up on as we were heading to church and it was the least I could do for my God. And I came down and they were already out sitting in the car. Stuff was still in the house and not all of it was packed into the car yet. I didn't get to do my usual walk through the house before we left or to check if the boys had on the right coats, but OH WELL! I was literally DONE at this point! Grabbed what I could and got out of the house.
We went to pick up our friend and went to church. I had fun in the babies class and then when service was done, I made sure to encourage my friends and then we were out the door. Back in the car and on the discussion of cooking the food. Get fire wood. Simple right? LOL, not to the mind of those in depression. AND I THANK GOD that I lived this way for a large bulk of my life so that I can have compassion instead of full-blown rage in situations like these. No argument. I let him come up with his own solution. Everything I have suggested (over the whole week) has not only been refused, but turned away from. So whatever he came up with was fine. He bought a portable grill and then we went to set up at the park.
So we get to the park........a function is going on HAHAHAH. Didn't see it on the website, but OH WELL! The spot I had picked out would be available regardless......it was by the playground. But as we were driving through to get to the spot, here we go with more negativity! UGH! LOL, ...."There is no parking....Where are we going to set up?.......we have to walk through the rain with the stuff.....". I could tell at that point that because I have not consulted with Mother Nature on the weather, I did not have a barbeque strapped to my back, I did not have a police escort to the picnic site with a rainbow following us, that I was the worst party planner EVER! Well, when we got close to the site, there was plenty of parking available, the distance to walk was not far at all and we had full access to the covered area and picnic tables (with adjoining public washrooms). It was AWESOME! Some of our friends were already there and we quickly set up and were under way.
SO, how did it go? GREAT! Everyone loved the food! We were able to cook the burgers (and later the chicken) with ease. The kids had fun running around and even playing in the rain, and we were encouraged by our family and friends.
What did I learn?
Stick to it! Make the plan and be encouraged to continue regardless of the obstacles. Be positive! I thrive on positivity and I tend to attack negativity. I broke that tendency this time around and chose to encourage as best I could. As much as we should surround ourselves with positive people, some people we need to help to be more positive and sometimes they just chose to stay negative. In cases like that, enlist help. Through our friends at church, we have enlisted a "turn to" couple that helps us to stay on track iin line with the life that we have chosen, to be disciples of Jesus, children of God. This couple was at the BBQ and I couldn't have asked for a better gift and greater encouragement. Also, the wife had helped me to do the shopping the day before. PERSPECTIVE and FOCUS! WOW, how important it is to always look for the best out of every situation, live IN the moment, and focus on your goals. And last (again), but not least, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! You are the BEST person to take care of YOU! YOU know what you need and it is best to make sure your needs are met so that you can go after the needs of others. Encouraging others and meeting the needs of others is hugely important as well as it helps to encourage us and to keep perspective on the things around us, but we should remember to meet our needs as well.
Ok, this week is going to be GREAT! So many great things learned and reinforced that I will live out these lessons fully. Have a great week!
Tags: celebrate, challenges, depression, family, joy, persevere, perspective, positive
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