LOL I'm not a packrat, I am just in transition

• Posted by Elisa on September 25, 2008 at 11:00am

What a revelation to have! Although revelations tend to arise out of realizing something wrong or off-tilt in your life, but so be it. If it can help pave the way to change, then bring on the revelation!

I have been on the move and in transition for over 10 years! In university I had a few sparse items.....a futon (for a sofa), a desk my dad gave me for Christmas, a dresser, a couple filing cabinets and a trunk. I had a toaster (which I still have today LOL poor thing) and that was about it (and my fabric collection).....a few items to set up my new home when I was ready to move out......well after getting kicked out I had a rapid move into a house with a friend. My job bombed and the utility costs went up 200 percent that year and I was done. Little to no income (and mentally frozen) No moving back option given, I moved some of my stuff into storage and then moved in with my boyfriend (now my hubby). With a suitcase and a few household items (again, brought the toaster), we were together in a bachelor basement suite. 300 sq ft of prime livin', baby! HA! Separated from the stuff I had and no way to really sort through it, it stayed where it was, in storage. Then we moved into 2 bedrooms in an house, sharing the rent with a friend and again, stuff stored at a distance. Our situation temporary, and our friend pretty much had the place furnished with hand me downs, we had what we needed in the space. After getting notice that the house was for sale and we were to move, we rented a 2 bedroom basement suite with our new arrival, our first son. DH began selling computer parts and other items he picked up at auctions to supplement our income as I was now at home with our son. We weren't planning on staying long and long did not happen either. After a messy legal situation, we ended up putting our stuff in storage and living with my parents......eventually we ended up in the condo (a.k.a. flip) that we live in today. We are not settled yet into the space we need as we are in need of a workshop (garage) based on our talents and trade.

We are in transition. Everyday I go through the stuff we have and toss or donate something......I guess with each little piece I am hoping that we will actually fit into doing or being something else. The advantage of it all is that we didn't let the little bit of space affect how we would grow with business and with having and being a family. But now it is getting to be too much. It is time to be making full use of the talents that were given to us. To do the things we are able to do in the space required. It is obvious it is time to move on to being settled FINALLY!

So please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, as with very little time and assistance, we are feeling a bit discouraged. All I can do is have hope and keep on moving.

P.S. Although I have shared this blog with the community, it is a flow-thought process (organizing my thoughts).

Need a new pair of skinny jeans hehehe.....any excuse to go shopping I 'spose

• Posted by Elisa on September 23, 2008 at 2:52pm
  

This was me June 20th......



And this is me now!

The size 29 jeans I was so excited to get into a few months ago, and that were tight, are now baggy hahaha. I am now even smaller than I was 7 years ago (September 2001), but I was struggling to regulate my thyroid at the time. Funny thing is, I haven't been getting in my scheduled workouts as I would like, but instead opted to through in a piece of the travel workout here and there so I get SOMEthing in amidst the chaos. Something is definitely better than nothing and it shows hehehe.......shopping trip for my birthday now WHOOPEE!!!

Tags: goal, jean, progress, skinny

Happy Anniversary INDEED!!!!

• Posted by Elisa on September 21, 2008 at 8:30am

Well the day started off quiet, except for me singing to old Bell Biv DeVoe and New Edition songs and the boys running about. I didn't really speak a word to him although I knew what I wanted to say...."It's time for a change and to move on to the next step." A lot of negative thoughts were swirling around in my head as well. I had let that bug buzz in my ear and it went straight into my head. I should've squashed it with the first annoyance.....Anyways, he got a lot of stuff moved into storage and then it was time to get ready to drop off the boys for the day. Weeks ago I arranged for them to go to a friends house over night for our anniversary with nothing planned, but to not have the kids in the house. We got a few words in along the way and I could tell that there would be hope in the day.
Dropped off the kids and then I mentally went through the time line of the day. The van we rented to move stuff to storage had to be back for 5:30 pm. He rode his motorbike to pick up the van, so it would be how he gets back home and I was with him.......HMMMMMMMM! I guess I am going for a ride. I have no helmet and I didn't wear a coat HAHAHA. So I figured out his plan was to go ride together as we originally planned when he first got the bike. This would be the weekend I would ride with him, trusting him with my life.

The trusting him with my life thing has been the issue. This was the last step that needed to happen to get us over to new beginnings. I am a fighter. I consider myself a knight. A defender and protector and that is part of how I approach my fit yummy mummy-ness. I used to play an RPG (role play game) where I was a knight. In game and now in real life, I am a knight. SO when I felt that my warrior wasn't fighting along side me (he played a warrior in game), I knew that something was wrong. His priorities weren't where he said they would be and being a stickler for keeping your word, I felt hurt. Well, yesterday I owned my hurt and found a way to deal with it and put that bug out of my head. I LOVE my husband and I do believe that we are one in the same person. I have seen other marriages and I admire how well they complimented one another, but my marriage is not quite the same as those. We are one in the same. Our passions, our doubts, our fears and hold backs, our struggles, our pain......it's like looking into the mirror and being faced with the harsh reality of yourself day after day. What we don't like in the other is the same thing we wish we could change in ourselves. It is great and awesome, and really painful all in one. So as I watch him stumble and struggle, I know that I have to help us to grow past that by getting to the heart of it myself. To change it in me so I can help him to change it in himself. For example, fitness.

After our second son was born and my recovery and health was nothing like what happened after our first son (refer to my page for visual), he started to go after changing how we eat and the activities we would do together. He thought I had chosen to become fat and frumpy and I told him that that wasn't the case. I couldn't walk, I couldn't stand and I had tearing and straining almost up to a year after the c-section. I was injured, I wasn't healing and I knew although I had a second chance at life, I wasn't living it the way I wanted. But he expressed how he wanted us to be and I was thankful for his input and efforts. We got new cookware (Saladmaster), and we ate according to that cookbook. He got a free weight bench and then bought weights. I got an exercise program and tried it out. I got insoles for my feet (the big difference in foot recovery and mobility) that helped to restore the natural arch to my feet and from there I came to where I am today. He helped me to recover (although wanting to do it together.....). So now it is my turn to help him.

So before we unloaded the last of the stuff to storage he made a detour to get me fitted for a helmet. SO I have a helmet (same size as his because of my hair LMBO) and gloves, he brought the jackets and after we unloaded we rode. And it was better than a roller coaster, I guess. But the joy of it for me was that I was on a motorbike (finally) and that I got to hold on to my husband for most of the day. We talked over an early dinner about going into the future together with growth and success and we were open about our thoughts, feelings, and actions over the last week. HUGE!!!

With a little faith (and trust me, at the end of last week I had very little left.....stupid bug), and a lot of hope we are going into another year together (and many more) with a plan that will last a lifetime.

Tags: anniversary, love, marriage, support

SO, it's that time again.....Dax has put out another Elimination Diet challenge starting tomorrow!

• Posted by Elisa on September 21, 2008 at 8:00am

This is how it began the last time. I got an email challenging me to start the Elimination Diet and this was after posing a few personal questions to Dax himself. I knew if I didn't do it, I had no real excuse as to answer him with. For 28 days all I had to give up was sugar, dairy, preservatives in processed foods, caffeine, and using a microwave. That was all I had left in my diet to give up haha. I only had a couple days to make the change in pantry so I could start on a Monday. Well, I haven't been reading my emails as I should've been and now it starts tomorrow. Can I do it? No microwave, just a toaster oven. Can I cut out the caffeine (hmmm, no chocolate in the house)? Can I cut out the cheese ( I haven't bought cheese for weeks....)? Can I cut out the preservatives in the processed foods (all I have is hummus)? How about the sugar (ok.....there has got to be.......nope)? LOL, so with even less in my pantry to worry about than the last time I started and with even MORE support (I wasn't in ClubFYM until after the ED last time) and with the last stretch of the STC can I do this? What excuses do I have? I just had my anniversary meal yesterday and that's why I didn't start when I got back from my in-laws..........
LOL I am starting RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Bring on the challenge BABY!!!!!

Now of course, keeping in mind that I am celiac and don't eat wheat and have other food allergies and sensitivities that leaves me to eat a pretty clean diet, it would make a pretty simple start or go of it for 21 days of elimination and then the week of re-intro, but if life gets crazy and hairy and I do make the choice to stray from the strict ED plan, I know that I am still putting my best foot forward with it and giving it a go. I know what to keep in mind when I am doing the ED, and for the most part I like to say that I did it! But when it comes down to the reality of it, I will also keep in mind that I eat supportively first (live, whole foods) and the Elimination diet is a form of detox for my body (and less toxins has lead to less cellulite) so my choice if for giving my body another boost to do it's best!

So for breakfast this morning, leftover steel cut oats and chicken breast with broccoli. LOL I know it sounds like dinner, but if I could eat eggs, it would all get mixed into an omelet. I'll be posting again in The Elimination Diet Group recipes or foods that I find as I experiment again with foods from around the world. I'm not sure which country or part of the world I will explore this time, but it should be interesting.

Tags: challenge, detox, elimination

In the move.........Week 10 review

• Posted by Elisa on September 19, 2008 at 5:30am

Last night I went to a mixer with other women and the focus was on a financial venture. The friend who invited me hadn't seen for a year (we later figure it out) and said "WOW GIRL!! You lost weight!! You are back to your university size." I guess the last time I saw here I was in a size 16 and now I am in a 4-6, so it is quite the difference. And it was the size I was at in University and I also weight trained then as well. My training was very similar to how the FYM system is. I weight trained 3 times a week with my male friends and then I would do my sisters track workout a couple days a week with her. My bone structure was different then as there are a few pieces of clothing I have that I will not be getting back into, but I am glad to know that being a mommy has transformed me in ways I couldn't imagine. I found out an interesting fact that our bones completely change after 7 - 8 years of growth. So if I count it back, since I have been with my husband I have grown into a new woman all the way through LOL. And it makes me want to promote the best growth for the next 7 - 8 years and beyond (I am big on evolution hahaha).

This weekend will mark 8 years together with my hubby and I am grateful. Although this last week has not been the best and he has chosen to get distant again, I can still take the time to reflect on what we have grown in and how we can grow more together in the years to come.

Motivation has been on a low point for me to do anything this week and it has been painful to watch myself in this. It's good sometimes to get to the lows so you can reach out for help and come out of it stronger than what you were before, but it's kind of like getting your feelings hurt at the same time. There may have been a better way to do it, but it was the way that was chosen and it's better just to make the most of the situation. I decided to take a new step and find a new resource to help put in my head the principles that will lead to a new stage of development in our lives. I sought out Jack Canfield and I will be purchasing (when I budget it in) a book to sit down and go through, The Success Principles. I need a new outlook on familiar information to bring it to light and to the surface again.

As for exercise, this week I have been on the walk (and running for the bus). Here and there and everywhere! I got in a lot of walking and running and my body is telling me so heheh. I have been trying to get my son to the school bus on time, but they shifted the time and the adjustment has been a touch frustrating. So today, myself and the other mom are going to confirm the time with her once again and state that if she could wait until such specified time for our children to board if she happens to be early. On Wednesday I had very little sleep and I am still recovering from it today. I plan on jumping in and doing as much of an Intermediate workout B as I can since I know I had put myself on back burner mode and everyone has been thrown right off by it. When I don't care, no one does. So I need to crank it for everyone's sake. I did manage to get a few more things out of the way, so now I do have a space to workout in, but it was a fight to get that space hahah.

I was so encouraged on Wednesday by the call with Jennifer Nicole Lee and I would LOVE to meet her and sit and talk with her sometime. So I am saving my money and making plans to be ready to meet with my favorite fitness friends (I am hoping for that FYM retreat and if not, I am just going to have to drop in to Elizabethtown, KY looking for lodging hahahah). I want to look fit and tight, but also be on the road to success in other areas of my life by then as well, so I will have more to share. So keep moving forward and onward to a better version of yourself each day and before this Summer Transformation Challenge ends, I am beginning a new phase and goal for the journey I am on.

Tags: active, modify, nutrition, supportive, walk

Confessions of a packrat....

• Posted by Elisa on September 13, 2008 at 6:30am

SO as we pack and get things ready to move, I am realizing that I married just the right person. We are so much alike and it really helps me to change for the better. We come from families that don't get rid of stuff as they should and live with a lot of extras in hopes that it will get put to good use one day haha.

For example, I got to know the lady who I see every morning while loading our sons on the bus. She is a wonderful lady. Mature, forward thinking, and just the type of person I love to surround myself with. Yesterday morning as we were walking back to our homes, I invited myself over HAHAHA and when we (my 2 y.o. and I) walked in and INSTANTLY made ourselves at home. Just LOVED her place (we live in the same condo complex, so the layout is exactly the same except for flipped). And then it made me realize I really wish we had less stuff! No matter how much stuff I throw out this STUFF is still there. A lot of nicky-nacky's and stuff I don't like, gifts from others from our wedding and other "special" occasions and I just want to JUNK it! Now I really appreciated the thought that was behind the gift-giving and the fact that many people are always giving us gifts shows that we are loved people which is very encouraging, but it is time to pass it on to the next person. And it is all stuff that people would pick up in an instant and put to use and that is why it is still in my house. It is still here, because I need a spot to sort it out, box it up and then donate it. I guess when we get to our new place we can always have a garage sale and get rid of stuff that way, but I would rather just pass it along and not have an experience with the departure of the item.

ANYWAYS, with all that said, now is not the time to be putting stuff off to the side as many things get shuffled around and with little people on the go, it is better to get it out of sight than to have them get at it. My husband and I have moved many times in a hurry (no, we are not wanted by the law haha) based on short notice and taking the opportunity as it comes, but it has left us in a position where we have a lot of unsorted stuff that keeps getting moved along with us. After we get all the stuff that we don't want out, we will be left with two major "collect" items each. My husband will have his tools and computer stuff and I will have my fabric and clothes.

LOL I must have a separate wardrobe for every role I play as a woman.

~ I have what I call mommy clothes (casual to semi-casual, slightly stained clothing that I can be out looking good with my kids and not worry about getting food rubbed on me).
~ I have sleep, loungewear and workout clothes.
~ I have camping and hiking clothes and other applicable sportswear.
~ I have creative clothes (even more stained than mommy clothes for cleaning, gardening, and painting).
~ I have 'hanging with my girls' clothes (more fun and playful and items my hubby isn't exactly fond of).
~ I have 'date with the hubby' clothes (more sexy and I wouldn't wear it with anyone else but him).
~ I have work clothes (I used to work in office environments and I enjoy dressing in suit pieces).
~ I have the rest of which I usually wear to church or events where I represent the family as a put-together wife and mom (and trust me, I wasn't always doing that and it was not encouraging for anyone if I didn't put myself together right).

This last section is smaller, but very important, because it means I get taken care of with the rest of the family. I used to run around and get everyone else ready and looking proper and walk out of the door with my hair in a scarf , make up not done, dark circles under my eyes, ashy skin, and the outfit was probably a work outfit. So I just looked like I was coming home after a horrible day at work hahaha.

I do not wear creative, sleep, loungewear or workout clothes out of the house. That is usually mommy clothes or one of the other applicable wardrobes that I can apply to the appropriate situation. I noticed from before that I got asked inappropriate questions and approached in a way that was overly forward, stereotypical, and abrasive if I don't dress accordingly and take the time to put myself together. It was not the way I wanted to be approached or the way I wanted to approach myself. I didn't want the extreme of getting treated like a superstar, but didn't need the assumption that I was less than I really am. Life didn't just happen to me and I was dealing with the consequences. I chose my husband, am happily married (as frustrating as it gets sometimes hahah), and planned for our children and to put off the opposite impression was not working for me anymore. Now, there are people who can get away with just wearing sweats and a loose fitting t-shirt out shopping, but I was not given that luxury. I look WRONG no matter how I strut it, so I just have to put in the effort to get it done right the first time. And it really doesn't take that long at all (except for my hair LOL), and my boys take pride in putting on their clothing and taking care of themselves properly as well.

So I may have a lot of clothes, but when the moment calls for something, I am prepared hahaha (almost, I could use shoes that fit now hahaha.......but that is for another time).

Tags: clutter, respect, roles

Pride of Maturity

• Posted by Elisa on September 7, 2008 at 7:30am

"I'm Mature and you're not!....Nah nah nah nah nah nah"

I was given a note book with a bunny with his tongue out and that is what it says. I was turned off by it when I read it and realized I am not a fan of taunting. But I have also come to think about and pose the question, "What ever happened to being mature?" Wanting to grow and improve on, and grow past and beyond a way of thinking......on to the next step and next phase. To continue on in development and even as deep as saying to progress with evolution. Now being a bit of a science buff, I constantly think about how we are evolving everyday and with everything we do, feel, think and eat. It affects the generations that are to come. But beyond that, as chivalry faded out with the push for equality, has maturity died off too. Has convenience and comfort taken such a forefront in our society that we never truly grow up? Are the only things that are growing our waistlines and the amounts and upgrades to our "toys"?

When you type a message, do you proofread it or rely on spell check? And when spell check highlights a word do you look through the selection of words or do you read the word and correct it yourself? Granted, I have spell check and I think it is a useful tool, but does it know what it is I really want to say or is it providing suggestions? It's a TOOL! To help make things easier for me, but I am the one that still has to do the thinking and thus put it to use. I need to put the pieces of the puzzle in and create the whole picture. I need to ASK the questions and then SEEK the answers.

I AM A FREE THINKER! I AM a problem solver! I AM a lover of the concept of maturity and I think in the end, beyond all that I do to improve, it is maturity that I seek.

For those of you that have the FYM e-book and have made full use of the resources provided through FYM (e.g. Yummy Mummy Makeover, coaching calls, etc.), you have been growing in your maturity as the challenges are continually presented to you. As questions are asked of you whether or not you have thought of or acted upon something, that is a cue to stop and think, and find the answer. The question is asked and the answer is usually given in return. The answer will come verbally or through blogs expressing how the challenge given has made you think or physically through taking action when it wasn't before.

This is a lifestyle change. A progression on to the next level in fitness, to the next level in health, to the next level in thinking, to the next level in emotional expression, to the next level in responsibility, not just for yourself, but for ALL of those around you. THAT is mature! NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH!

Tags: challenge, grow, think

Week 8 in review.........Work THAT!

• Posted by Elisa on September 5, 2008 at 11:00am

Well I had my crank week in true fashion. I switched to intermediate and I am loving the switch. I have been lacking in energy due to a change in my monthly cycle. Much heavier flow (as forecasted) and in turn, I wasn't into cooking or preparing meals or much of anything really. I think I ate my fair share of almonds this week LOL. Also, after the emotional upheaval I had at the start of the week, I really just needed to take a step back and refocus on getting back to my priorities. With looking for a house and seeking financial advice, and reaching a stagnant point in emotional and spiritual growth, it has been quite painful and frustrating for me so I put my focus back on my relationships and being what I was called to and the refocus has been what I needed.

I may have the opportunity to care for my friends daughter so that she can go back to work and in turn I will get paid and she can know that her daughter is in good hands. This will be good for many reasons, so I hope it works out. As for growth in other areas, I am going to open my mouth more and speak more of what it is I want to say.

Plan for week 9 and beyond.......

- apply some nutritional discipline. I was going to go with doing the ED, but my anniversary weekend is in 21 day range so I will do that later on and maybe apply something else for the remainder of the STC.

- stick to 3 - 4 activities a day. I don't do well with more or I don't do more well (however best worded) as I know I am not a multi-tasker, just a many tasker. I don't like having more than one thing on the go at a time. I tend to have to give everything my full attention or I can be forgetful or go a little batty.

- encourage growth and progress in my husband's life. I do well when he is doing well. I want to do better if he is doing better. We both succeed when he does. How? Share my thoughts and keep on top of what needs to get done. No more sliding as many details are time sensitive atm.

- keep loving up on my workouts. I know I am getting stronger, and it's getting harder to see results as quick as before. But I am having fun and it helps to keep me sane and healthy, so there is no stopping now.

And while I was doing my intervals today some words stood out to me, so I thought I would share.....Have a great weekend!

Mary J Blige - Work That

Work your thing out
Work your thing out
Work your thing out
Work your thing out

Theres so many-a girls
I hear you been running
From the beautiful queen
That you could be becoming
You can look at my palm
And see the storm coming
Read the book of my life
And see I've overcome it
Just because the length of your hair ain't long
And they often criticize you for your skin tone
Wanna hold your head high
Cause you're a pretty woman
Get your runway stride home
And keep going
Girl live ya life

I just wanna be myself
Don't sweat girl be yourself
Follow me
Follow me
Follow me
Girl be yourself
That's why I be myself
And I'm gonna love it

Let em get mad
They gonna hate anyway
Don't you get that?
Doesn't matter if you're going on with their plan
They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves

Na na work what you got
I'm talking bout things that I know
Na na work what you got
It's okay show yourself some love
Na na work what you got
Don't worry bout who's saying what
It's gonna be fine
Work what you got

Feelin great because the light's on me
Celebrating the things that everyone told me
Would never happen but God has put his hands on me
And aint a man alive could ever take it from me
Working with what I got I gotta keep on
Taking care of myself I wanna live long
Aint never ashamed what life did to me
Wasn't afraid to change cause it was good for me
I wanna...

I just wanna be myself
Don't sweat girl be yourself
Follow me
Follow me
Follow me
Girl be yourself
That's why I be myself
And I'm gonna love it

Let em get mad
They gonna hate anyway
Don't you get that?
Doesn't matter if you're going on with their plan
They'll never be happy
Cause they're not happy with themselves

Na na work what you got
I'm talking bout things that I know
Na na work what you got
It's okay show yourself some love
Na na work what you got
Don't worry bout who's saying what
It's gonna be fine
Work what you got

Work that
Work that
Work that
Girl don't hold back
You just be yourself

Na na work what you got
I'm talking bout things that I know
Na na work what you got
It's okay show yourself some love
Na na work what you got
Don't worry bout who's saying what
It's gonna be fine
Work what you got

Work that
Work that
Work that
Girl don't hold back
You just be yourself

Work that thing out
Work that thing out
Work what you got

I want to thank the true loves in my life

• Posted by Elisa on September 4, 2008 at 10:30am

If you visit my page, you will notice that you have entered my FYM love zone! I am a romantic and a HUGE advocate of love in general. With one of my anniversaries coming up soon, I am thinking of ways to enjoy it fully. Now why did I say one of my anniversaries? Because my relationship with my husband has some huge, significant dates that I wish to acknowledge.

September 21st
- In 2000, it was not only the first "unofficial" date that we had, but it was also the day I vowed to God to marry him (LONG story, but a good one......)
- In 2002, we had a wedding ceremony that was beautiful and renewed our commitment to on another.

November 7th
- 2001, we were married in a small civil ceremony in a dimly lit garden in front of the waterfall. Our lives together began legally that day.

December 9th
- 2001, we were baptized, one after the other to become disciples of Jesus Christ and make another life long vow with God as our witness (and a room full of friends, and my mom and little sister).

And back to the topic of enjoying my anniversary this year.....On the topic of SEX (I am a married woman and it is my right and privilege haha), I thought I had mentioned it sooner (must have been on someone's page or PM) being that I was a youth coordinator with a health committee promoting safe sex and teaching AIDS 101 to teens and peers (was in University). So I spoke of it openly with many people. I even got to meet and discuss with Sue Johanson at a forum at my University the work I was doing (She really loves the topic). Also in high school, I had a friend that was very interested in the ancient techniques and philosophies surrounding sex. I learned a lot such as Kama Sutra speaks a lot about the roles of men and women where as the Chinese texts describe the therapeutic benefits. And I must say, we got the jump on the topic and info before it became popular in Cosmo hahahaha. But from the info I have come across, I find that fostering intimacy has been the key to a good relationship. Getting to know deeply and share vulnerably and openly has been applicable to all relationships, not just the "sexual" one between me and my hubby. Intimacy is a strength and distinguishing between the "high" of intimacy and the "warm fuzzies" that come with sex (or sexual attraction) takes a level of awareness. Being "in" the moment takes on a big meaning and importance. Conscious behaviour and being aware of the details of what we do and why we do it really adds fullness and control to what we do and helps to make it that much more enjoyable.

I have an intimate relationship with my husband, my parents, my dear friends, my children, my own body and my God. Now there are things I enjoy passionately, but I cannot say that it is an intimate relationship since the other side of it is not getting to know me deeply or is vulnerable with me. Like food. I can passionately enjoy the taste, the texture, the after taste and the feeling of the food entering my system, but I don't think the food is feeling the same way. So I take it more as a passionate moment shared between me and my body. In that, I am focused on how my act of taking in the food affects my body and how it makes me feel. I try and pay attention to HOW I make my body feel. With this being September, I can say that this is not only a time to celebrate the relationships in my life, but also reflect on how I have improved the intimacy of those relationships as well.

Almost a year ago, I decided to become more intimate in my approach to my body and with the help of Holly and the info she provided and that I chose to use, I have developed a loving, deeper relationship between me and my body and in turn with everyone else around me (Thanks again Holly). I get to go into this 7th year of marriage and 8th year together with my husband with health, and depth and everyone will benefit. How intimate is that?! And I can say that I will enjoy more physically this year than the last as I am filled with more energy, knowledge and wisdom and am more able to move too.

So to the relationships in my life, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Tags: anniversary, intimacy, love

I don't know what to call this HAHAHHA

• Posted by Elisa on September 2, 2008 at 6:00am

But I will say this, it's not the worst that could happen.

I have decided to take matters into my own hands (and hopefully with God's blessings) as I am no longer tolerant of neglected situations. That is the best way I can word what I have to say. It's funny, as I move forward to be completely independent at this time ( a concept I do not find comforting and quite lonely), I know that I am in need of some major help. I am going back to work. This is a huge sacrifice and may not last long, being that I have limited options, allergy and ability concerns. I feel how I felt before I joined club FYM, lacking in support. I am glad that I was able to find this group of wonderful people as it has gotten me this far and I have no idea what my life would have been like without it. You ladies have really helped to carry me and encourage me in ways that others have not been able to. I asked my mom for her support and told her I would not be able to do this without it, so she provided what she could. And I know that she understands to some degree the situation I am in and may even grow in retrospect from this experience and maybe that why things have played out this way. I also hope that the great pain that I am feeling is only because it is a great change (for the better) that is occurring.

So after breaking down in tears during my workout yesterday, I will probably not be as focused as I would like to be in that area of my life. I did enjoy the switch to the intermediate workout, but my mind really needs to be in it, so I will switch to auto mode, because if I don't get my workouts in and some level of proper nutrition in, it won't be good for me. I can't give up on taking care of me because I get overwhelmed and frustrated. I am still sick and now stressed without a spotter (do NOT bench press more weight that you think you can handle without a spotter....trust me), BUT I am NOT going to be giving up or quitting ANYTHING. I am fighting that prideful little voice that says "I don't need help....I can do this all by myself" or "There is no one that can do this as well as I can do it" or etc, etc. We all need to get over ourselves and ask for help sometimes and to be brave enough to share our thoughts and worries and not worry about burdening someone if they offer the support. Now, of course, there are limits to that statement and there are people that are meant to be supportive and have not allowed themselves to fill the role they put themselves in. They get frozen in chaos (HAHAH I love that phrase) and choose not to train themselves to deal with situations and just do nothing instead. But doing nothing and hoping either the situation figures itself out or somebody else to come along to fix it is not a good thing.

However, if I do happen to "manage" things well, I will also remind myself not to find comfort in what I perceive as my own ability, but to remember that things are constantly changing around me and choose to remain in tune to the needs (emotional, and spiritual) of my family as I set forth to meet needs physically. I know I haven't gone into a lot of detail, but at this time all I can really say is that some situations and some people need physical, hard proof instead of explanations (or perceived excuses) to know that certain things won't work to their benefit. This is what has come about in my life and it will be a hard lesson learned, but hopefully will bring about much understanding, growth, and fruit. So pray that I land a job that pays well and that has minimal physical restrictions (allergens mainly), and that God will guide and bless me or humble me through this time. Thanks again for your support.